A Woman's Voice

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY ~ Dealing With Anger ~ March 3, 2011 by Dolores Ayotte

On Thoughtful Thursday, February 17,  I recently wrote a post titled “Dealing With Depression”.  In this article I expressed the view that depression could be a result of anger turned inward. There are many reasons why a person might experience depression but this is merely the one that I am choosing to focus on again today. In my opinion, there is also a genetic predisposition to depression but I won’t be discussing that view today.  A comment was left by Hope after this post that inspired me to address the anger issue which I referred to in the above post. This is the comment almost in its entirety.

I agree whole wholeheartedly that moving past anger is a decision. Sometimes I think the things that are at the root of our anger are out of our consciousness, much as you have stated here. I had a very wise person once tell me that when the reason is out of your consciousness, you are still a victim of it. But once you are aware, but still acting in the same self-destructive way, you are no longer a victim, but you are choosing to be that way and blaming someone else. I think her point was, once you are aware of the self-destructive behavior, then you are wholly responsible for moving on or not. But no longer is there room for blame. So that took me a while to digest, but I think now, that it is very true.

It’s amazing how powerful you feel, once you realize there is a choice to be angry or not. Simple solution, very difficult to live by. With a daily commitment to think otherwise, there is proportional reprieve of the burden in that day.” (Hope)

I was extremely moved by this comment left by Hope after my post. I read it over and over again to get the full scope of its meaning. It also made me do more soul-searching and inspired me to write more on the topic of anger. I know a person who has suffered from severe depression for many years. This person has been on a heavy regime of medication for depression and although it helped somewhat, it never totally eliminated the depressed state. 

After many years of suffering, a therapist managed to finally help her get to the bottom of her severe depression. Through counselling and extensive therapy, she was able to finally peel back the layers of what was causing her deep and often times, debilitating depression.  What appeared to be the main cause although there were other factors, was the consistent bad behavior of her husband throughout their marriage.  After this realization, her depressed state turned to outward anger toward her husband.  Her anger toward him was so great that eventually they had to part ways.  Over a span of several years, what was bottled up inside her and coming across as depression was really anger. It was her inability to accept what was really going on in her marriage and her inadequacy or reluctance to address the real issue.  This is merely just one case that depression can be a result of anger turned inward.

According to Mike Hirn, “if you are angry, there are three ways you can approach the emotion: express the anger, suppress the anger, calm the anger. Expressing anger in a controlled manner, is a healthy approach. However, this approach is often difficult to do because it involves a balancing act — getting your needs met without hurting others. In short, controlling anger involves respecting both yourself and other people, especially those who are the cause or object of your anger, while still being able to express it. The second approach is suppression. Suppressing anger can backfire. When a person tends to suppress his anger, he can develop high blood pressure, hypertension or even depression. The last approach is calming the anger down. A person who is able to calm his anger down is able to control his outward behavior. However, if he is unable to calm down, he may hurt someone or even himself.”

As you can see it is no easy feat to deal with anger however;  it can have many devastating negative emotional and physical consequences if we don’t.   No matter what, we all experience anger now and then.  Do you agree? How are you dealing with your anger?


9 Responses to 'THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY ~ Dealing With Anger ~ March 3, 2011 by Dolores Ayotte'

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  1. Andrea said,

    Great post!! I am going to share it on my blog.

    • Thank you so much Andrea. I am very honored that you think my post is worth sharing. 🙂

  2. […] at A Woman’s Voice, I read a wonderful post about anger and the role that we play in how it is expressed. This post […]

  3. chosenwoman said,

    Depression is a serious matter so many people suffer from it. I know many years ago I suffered from it. It became so bad I didn’t want to continue to live anymore. But I thank my mom and God because had my mom not kept praying for me and God keeping His hand on me I don’t know if I would of wanted to press on. many people believe that they won’t be delivered from depression but I am a witness that you can be free from depression. When I even hear someone say they feel depressed I always make sure I take time out to talk to them first before I walk away. I wish we all would take it serious and listen to people when they mention that they are depressed because they really are crying out for him.

    Thanks for sharing my dear

    • Thank you so much Desiray for sharing that you have also suffered from depression and you know how serious it can be. I am also a witness that you can be free from depression. Without my relationship with God, I would never have survived. I like that expression “delivered from depression”. It’s prefect to describe what I feel happened to me. Even though I still experience the normal ups and downs of life, I no longer suffer from that deep, debilitating depression I experienced so many years ago. I also agree. that people who are depressed are crying out for help. Blessings to you and yours.

  4. Charles Betts said,

    Dolores; I was intrigued by your post on anger and the comments that ensued. I would like to make a comment as well.
    I grew up in a house that knew much anger. Some expressed, some suppressed, but seldom was it ever controlled. Not a lot of violence involved but a lot of verbal abuse. I remember as a child being very angry myself. In my early teens I began to be aware that this anger was damaging. By the time I was 15 I realized that the anger could end up destroying not only myself but others around me. I began praying for Gopd’s help and at this time with my study of scriptures making me aware of God’s opinion of anger, I decided that I did not want to be an angry man, as my father was. Somehow I came to the conclusion that if I let people or things anger me, then these people or things would control me. I made a concious decision that I would with God’s help beat the anger. It took a few years, but by the time I was married and had children, the anger was not an issue for me.
    The single biggest influenece on my decision to stay anger free has been the scripture in Prov. that says ” Be not hasty in your spirit to be angry for anger rests in the bosom of fools” and its companion verse that says ” Join not yourself to an angry man lest you learn his ways and so get a snare for your soul”. These two had such an impact on me. The first reminded me of a scripture that goes “The fool has said in his heart that there is no God” My thought at the time was that perhaps the reason people use anger so freely and abuse others by it is because they fail to realize that we are responsible for our words and since there is no God we will never be taken to task for our anger. The second reference above caused me to think that a snare chokes the life out of whatever is caught therein and if I wanted my soul to be alive then I must take charge of my anger and not let it get the best of me.
    I have in my life time seen so many people be less than they could be because they failed to see the value of their own soul and others, and both were, if not destroyed, at least negatively affected by their anger. Choosing to be kind and using kind words even in difficult situatiuons is much more rewarding and lets both parties involved live. It may take a lifetime to realize the rewards but well worth the effort. At least when we lay down at night we don’t have to beat ourselves up because we did or said something in anger today.
    As well. I have yet to be able to recall even one situatution where anger has made the problem better. I have on the other hand seen it cause a lot of destruction, both to property and people.

    This is some of my reflections on the subject. I hope it helps some. I know what God has done in my life has been a blessing to my family. I like to think that for my family at least the cycle was broken.
    Thanks for letting me post this, Charles Betts

    • Charles,
      Your comment is so wonderful, informative and thought-provoking that tomorrow, I will post it in its entirety on the main blog page. I thank you for sharing your wisdom. Blessings to you and yours.

  5. hope_rising said,

    Miss D!

    very powerful post, and thanks so much for including my words. I really like the breakdown express, supress or calm. Really, there isn’t anywhere else to go with it.

    For me, the first tendency is to supress, I would so prefer there be anything but anger going on .. but I know that is not good for me, and so the weary work of express/calm takes over. I wish I could express my anger gracefully, I always need time to gather myself, and in many cases people want you to deal with things .. then and there… that is so hard for me to do. Depending on the situation I can calm things, at least for the moment … what I have learned though .. is that you have to do something, it never just goes away.

    But there in lies the choice. The choice to deal with anger is moves into our awareness, so that we can be free to learn from it and move on..

    great article… and judging by the repsonses here, something people are eager to talk about ..

    well done ….

    LLL from HTH …

    • Hope…You have no idea what an inspiration your comment actually was for me. It came at the most appropriate time because it spurred me on the have the courage to write this post and the ones to follow. Thank you so much. HTH from LLL Miss D

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